I have certain days when I get really depressed, and then the next day it’ll go away more or less. But the thing is, I’ve always found it harder than most people to be happy. Because I think too much; I think about what the world expects of a person, and how I’ve fallen short of those expectations. I think about how people are, and how people want you to behave, and how different I am from everyone else. I’m becoming more and more asocial every day.
The things that make me happy are so simple. I like to sing and write songs, I like to create characters and write stories, often with a lot of humour in them; I like to read and be in my own comfortable world. When I do all this, I feel at peace. But then, I think about the fact that this is all very inadequate, and that something big, something worldly is expected of me. I start to feel like a huge burden is upon me, and that I’ve been imprisoned in some way. I worry and worry because no matter how much I try to conform, I can’t. And I’m not trying to paint myself as some sort of rebel or anything. My asociality is actually very debilitating and I really, really want to be normal. It’s the root cause of so many problems that I’ve faced in my life.